The Nightly Sum Up

I will be leaving in a little while once my Mom gets here from Aunt Precious’ house. I just feel so tired and worn out. Tired in my soul.

I talked to Cris briefly today, but I started wrestling and playing with Jalen. He’s one crazy active boy.

I intended to tell Cris about why I am not so willing to be open with him, but that got put off because I was playing with Jalen. He asked me to call him later. I’ll do it when I get home. Perhaps. I hate having to feel the unspoken words between us. Gah. It makes me not want to talk to him.

I just feel like pulling away from him because he keeps so many secrets from me. I know that I do the same, but it’s mostly because he won’t share with me. Why should I be open when he is not. I refuse to put myself out there like that.

I sent him an eCard that was so cute. It told him how much he makes me smile. He does put a smile on my face, but sometime he drives me crazy. I just don’t know what to do. Most of the time, like 99% it’s a good crazy, so I am not too worried about it.

Prestina read my last entry and thought that I was putting myself down. It’s not that I despise myself or anything like that, but I have things that I love about myself and I have things that I loathe about myself. I am the type of person to look at both sides of everything. I have to look at ALL the angles to truly see what is there. That’s how I am with Cris.

…took five minute break to allow Prestina to read a comment…

I look at every side of Cris that he allows me to see. I cannot be totally blind to his bad qualities. I am sure that he isn’t blind to mine. I was talking to Prestina’s mom and she asked me about why I say good things about Cris and then point out things I don’t like about our relationship. If I can’t identify a problem then it can’t be fixed.

We called Booker T again and I just don’t know. Thinking about the whole thing makes me feel done in.

I went with Prestina when she was dropped off by her mom at school this morning. I got to see my possible future school up close with the students in it. Maybe I will end up there. Maybe by some miracle the San Marcos thing will come up and I will move away there. That might be good. Maybe it won’t be.

Everyone is getting ready to go to sleep here. I am going to be the last one on the computer tonight. Prestina’s mom is allow me to stay on long enough to finish this up.

God. . . I can’t think and feel myself out with all these people around. When I write here I open myself all the way up and let the engery of my surrounding flow through me and just feel. I can’t do that now. That sucks and defeats the purpose. I will have to write tomorrow.

Danielle