Hmm Round Two?

Well after yesterday’s performance you would think that I would be absolutely done with Cris. I am. At least I thought I was, but Cris asked me if I wanted to go out. We talked in front of the washeteria after I finished my clothes. I wanted to scream at him that I knew about Tiffanie and the freak and the football game invite, but I didn’t because I had to keep it to myself. Otherwise, he would have know that Prestina had told me.

I was so sick with hurt that I could barely sleep. I haven’t eaten anything since yesterday before I found out the whole truth. I knew that he was more than capable of playing me because he is too smart not to know how, but what gets me is that he lied to me. Just straight up, out and out lied to me. To my face. And he went around telling everyone the truth except me. How could he do that to me? I trusted him and and *deep sigh* . . . I just don’t know. I would always tell him that he could tell me the truth. That is all that I ever want from anyone that I come in contact with. If you are truthful with me then we are OK, but he couldn’t even do that.

I hate that he made me like I wanted to die. How he broke me down that way. I haven’t truly felt that way in a long time and he took me there in a short amount of time. *sigh* I hate the way I feel.

Oh, and when he talked he made it sound as if he really liked me and that I had hurt him by blowing him off. Bull spit!

I was sitting in the washeteria telling Prestina about Jay asking me to be his girlfriend last night when Cris walked in behind her. I wasn’t going to censor my conversation with her because he was there. He said that it I was trying to make him jealous. Forget that! He’s the one who hurt me! Why should he be jealous if he was the one who did me in? Sure I was the one who said “Frock it!” yesterday. He said that he didn’t like that I that I refered to him in third person like he wasn’t there.

God. . .

I think that I will go home now. I need to be out roaming around.

I just don’t know.

Oh, I forgot to change my Setting yesterday, but I will do that now. I just got too caught up in my feelings of despair and hurt and anger.

I have never given an ex a second chance. Ever. Mostly because I do what I want with them and then break up with them because they had only been play things to me. I have hated men so long that it is hard to change, but I will have to continue to take steps to change.

Danielle