P is for Passive-Aggressive

[imood mood at time of entry: good]

P is indeed for passive-aggressive. P is me, the one who couldn’t stand up for herself boldly, forwardly. Always double-edged, sideways, and dodging of the *real* issue.

P is me for, the girl who could never find the courage to say what is needed to be said in the no nonsense way that I have now claimed as my trademark. Even though this is true, and I have given up on trying to please everyone all of the time, part of me still can’t, perhaps out of politeness or respect, directly bring my inner conflicts out into the open so that they are known. I know that there are others just like me, but damn it! some times it just doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one in the whole World who has learned to hold her tongue. It’s not true of course, but still.

So once again my p-a flare fired up in the wake of the crushing presence that is my counselor, Mrs. Buffington. This woman has such a forceful personality that sometimes she comes across as uncaring and condescending to boot. Egh, not a good feeling, especially not to someone like me who, inner fire be darned, is still timid and shy and digustingly sensitive. So there she is, being the woman that she is and me the quiet church mouse wrinkling my nose and feeling out my whiskers at everything she says to me, though there is much that I want to say. She’s a busy woman, I understand that, but couldn’t she carve out a little time for me? Just a little. I don’t ask for a lot, never a lot. I to am a busy person with things to do and people to see, (hopefully this will be reversed in the near future because I have got to get me some people to do! dang it!) so I don’t bang into her office demanding attention or help, but maybe I should. I have found that at this school I have to be the loudest one there and painfully agressive, which goes against everything of my nature. I am never aggressive, unless a situation calls for it, and even then, I hesitate.

Anyway, long story short, I took one of my Credit-By-Exam tests today for Economics and I think I failed miserably since I didn’t take the class and the test was so hard that I wanted to cry. Dang I want to do that a lot lately. Blame the hormones, that special time has kicked in and everyone knows how happy I must feel to have all of the cramps and other stuff.

I am quite fluffed by the great reviews that I have been receiving from a person who is reading my LOTR/Haldir fic! You have thunk it? I was so happy, proud, and amazed when I found the first review waiting for me in my Inbox. I have since found a few more. I orginially thought my fan was a guy because the screen name is StinkyStan, who could blame me? Turns out it a very nice woman. I have a fan! *high fives myself*

Oh! To all the people of the Notify Lists that I was on, I still go by to read your journals/diaries. You know that I would never abandon you. I just don’t say much these days. I will try and remedy that. Once again, I have to thank my wonderful friends here on DD who sent me a lot of support on the last entry and the one before it. I was really annoyed with the whole spitter thing and I was certainly upset over the ending of school. I went back today (for the test(s) and to turn in my books) and walked the halls and shifted among the populace, and you know what, I don’t miss that school at all. I did always have the tendency to romantisize my memories. Oh ye of weepy memories and soft heart, you need a slap on the nose and a wake up call.

Until next time,

Danielle

P.S. To those who read this entry at all or this far, sorry that it was so long. I do tend to go on and on.