Mary Meanie and Angry Arnold

[imood mood at time of entry: ok]

They are the two twins of angry evil. They would be my my brother and I, two “unofficial” halves of an upset whole. I am more than a little reluctant to form lasting relationships with people for good reason, I am a darned angry person. I can admit that, and I have been told that that is the first step to a “cure”. Yea.

This title grew in my heat-stroked mind on the way here. I walked to this library again and I make excellent time more and more. But this is not what is being discussed here.

Anyway, I went to school this morning to register for Summer School, which is being offered to me for free because my counselor, Wonder Wind Woman, and a former teacher of mine want to see me graduate. Hey, I do too. Since I only need the last year of English, they were willing to help me out. The former teacher is allowing me to take the B portion of the class in the credit recovery program, though I have no credit to recover, I never took the class. The school is going to sign me up for Virtual School and will foot the bill. Thank you good graces!

None of this would suggest that I was an angry person at all, no this is only back story to explain what happened today. The meat of the matter comes from running into one of the most annoying people that I have ever met, Ira. She is the girl that I met during Speech class and instantly bound herself to me. She’s OK as people go, but she is too danged happy and in my face all of the time. I prefer to be subdued and quiet. Reflect on the inner me and write, a lot. My brother understands this nature for he shares it with me, but he draws. He is my other half even though he is two years my junior. I appreciate his company and his advice, even though he sometimes drives me crazy. It is because of this bond that I can understand why he would slam his fist through a wall without so much as flinching. He’s so angry that he doesn’t feel it anyway.

Yes, I know that this sounds unhealthy, and it is, but it’s a way of life after being suppressed for so long. I try to work on my issues, but dang it, it’s hard and I have a million other things to do.

Though I know that I could be nicer and handle my problems better, I can’t because I enjoy the instant release of yelling and cursing like a crazy woman, but I hate the trashy and ghetto way I way I feel afterwards. The feeling of the guilt setting in like a mental fungus that manages to manifest itself in physical reactions within my body and soul.

So, Ira ran into me and Brandon tagged along. I planned to come here and type on my story. I have the fifith chapter ready to go, but the library was closed for Memorial Day. I had been typing on it last week and I did tons last Saturday (May 29, 2004). But now that’s gone too because the libraries computer just wiped my disk and everything I had saved is gone, just like that. I swear that I could cry.

After I finished registering, we all walked to my house. I wanted to be alone and Ira insisted on tagging along. She simply doesn’t understand that we are not the kind of people she should be hanging out with. We are not the happy-go-lucky, cheery types all of the time. We have problems and issues and a dark side. Everyone does.

She did regret coming with us when Brandon spoke to Mom and she told him not to go to his friend Jason’s house. She went on to fuss at him about Summer School and anything else she could think of. I kept yelling at them because I wanted Brandon to get off of the phone so Mom couldn’t keep fussing at him. I saw the affect her nagging was having on him. As soon as he gave me the phone, he went in the house and started slamming things around and bamming his way through his room. Me and Ira could hear him from the porch. She was upset because she said that the whole thing was scary. I am used to it by now and wasn’t bothered by the actions themselves, but the fact that he was acting like a fool in front of the girl he likes. I did yell at him which made the situation worse. Stupid me.

We eventually began walking to the library, but not without me and Brandon falling out over how slow he was walking and me and Ira arguing over how skinny I should be and why I can’t be happy with the body I have and then Ira going nuts over the whole me-cursing-at-Brandon thing and Brandon hitting things. She asked if Brandon had ever been put in a mental hospital for his anger. I told her “No.” I admit he needs help, as do I and the better portion of the American population, but I don’t thing he needs to be put away. I do have one thing that raws my nerves about Ira. She is so deluded and hypocritical. She has a lot of problems with her family and the people around her. She goes out with men that she should not be dating and stays with them. She runs away from home and sleeps with people that she meets. At least I can admit that I have a problem. She should do a little self-examination first and then look at everyone else.

Danielle