Yucky, Mucky Hearted

I just got finished playing with the online voodoo site that was featured in that Progressive commerical on television. It was my little “I love you.” to Cris. That bastard. If you want to try it out too click here. It’s niiiice. I found it in Magic’s diary.

I’m here at Jason’s house and it’s really cool. Not bad at all. He’s got X-Men 2 on DVD and these two cool cats, and a Cable modem. Anyone that read my journal from that era knows the love/lust that movie inspires. *lol* He’s (Jason) my brother Brandon’s friend. The two of them are goofy enough alone, together, they are beyond a sad shaking of the head. *lol* But not in that bad way. In that groovy way of course!

I haven’t talked to Prestina today. I guess that she tried to call me, but I have no idea as the phone was shut off for some mysterious reason. My mom paid the bill so I don’t know the heck they want from us. I need to call my Mom to tell her what’s going on.

*sigh*

Even though I am over Cris, there seems to be a slight residue of love left over. I am still a hurt inside from what I heard yesterday, but I needed to hear it. That shit stung like nothing else. He actually said that Jill was the one for him and that he wanted to marry her. I mean WTF?!? Apparently, I was some sort of stop gap if he is so hung up on his ex. He’s trying to wait around until she and her boyfriend break up or until he can worm his way in to break them up. What Grade A creep!

When I talked to him last night he was all, “So we’re NOT going to have sex???” I just laughed at him and told him not to be ridiculous. Fuck him. Well, I may evetually in that literal sense. Just because I am mad at him doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t eventually get some of what he’s always bragging about. It’ll be just that. Nothing else. He won’t be getting another true try at my heart ever again. I can take my violence out on him in that way instead of cursing and screaming the way I want to.

Oh! and he told Prestina his claims of being raped when I pushed him against that tree. I guess. He said that I had never kissed him like that before and that I had been kissing with a purpose. He had never kissed me the way he did that night either. Hmmm. He said that type of kissing leads to sex. I guess.

Anyway, I just wanted to get out, like I am now.

I don’t really think about him enough to want him anymore as a boyfried because I know how terrible he really is. I lost that longing for him to be my boyfriend long time ago. And to know that he was on the phone earlier in the day saying to Prestina, with me listening in, that he didn’t want to sleep with me anymore because it’d be wrong, but asked me for sex four times later on that night just burns my buns. He’s such a fucking liar and a two-faced toad. I hope that he goes to hell. I opened up to him and loved him and would have done anything for him and he took my heart and stomped all over it. And to put the final nail into the whole mess, he always turns it around to make me the bad one. He acted all hurt when I was talking to him last night (Tuesday, November 25, 2003) about the kiss and the following home incident. He was all “You used me???” What-ever.

Boys digust me. *deep sigh* Will I never find a good one?

Danielle

P.S. See Prestina, I got one in on the right day! *waves*