The James Entry

So on to the James Entry. Yep, a day ahead.

I definitely wanted to fully introduce James here and point out the oddness of his appearing in my life at this time to show how much I have changed and how ironic life can be.

James, or JJ as he prefers to be called, was the man that I saw at the bus stop with his baby last week. I hadn’t wanted to write it then, but he and I just sort of fit. He was sort of dorky looking and cute the way I kind of like guys and he took good care of his baby. He was meticulous in this way. I just love a man, more importantly, a Black man, that takes care of his own baby. Not enough men do that these days. Anyway, we just had this chemistry right off the bat. When we got on the bus everyone noticed it too. A woman even gave me that acknowledging you’re-a new-mother-too look. She asked me how old was the baby. She thought we were together. Who’s have thunk it?

Anyway, I happened to run into him on the way to Numbers. I happened to take the bus later than I intended to and he was there. We exchanges numbers and talked for a few. I even gave him directions. So I called him the next day (Saturday) and we chatted a couple of times. We agreed to talk the next day (Sunday) which we did, only late at night since I had the ringer off and talked to Melody. He called my house like four or five times and called Prestina’s aunt’s house three looking for me. This of course sent out warning flags. I don’t like a needy man. I need my space to be wild and free. To run around and move within my skin. I can be tied down like that. There is also a Fred that I will be writing about shortly.

Anyway, he’s everything I would want in a man. He is what I would call “perfect”. He has the ready made family, he enjoys art, writes poetry, loves to read, loves to write, is creative, is intelligent, has a great sense of humor, has a deep sexy voice, sort of dorky like me, and still it’s not enough. Do you want to know why I have found the “perfect” man and still am not happy? Because I want more. I want the commitment that he is not looking for. At one point in time this would have made me jump for joy, but I want the love that I had before with Cris. I realized after all of this that even though, our biggest complaint was the lack of surface simlarities between us, we just click in a way that I don’t understand. I don’t know how to comprehend this. I thought I was screwed in the head before. Now along comes this James guy and I feel absolutely nothing for him. Sure, I like him a little bit, he’s not for me. Not the new relationship wanting me.

Am I crazy or what?

Danielle