Third Time The Charm?

Dammit! I sure hope so! After all the drama and tears of yesterday Cris and I got back to together. I admit it, I sort of begged a little bit. I just wanted to know if he’d give me another chance. Prestina said that he should have talked to me first before responding the way he did in my own freaking journal! For those who don’t know what I am talking about I will provide a link at the end of the entry so that you can go back and read the entry that he was upset about and his response.

So I went to school today. That is the second portion of my title. This is my third high school. I can honestly say that I have gotten all my stupidity out of my system. I am only behind a half of a semester or so. Not too bad.

Today wasn’t completely terrible at all. All my classes are extremely small. They don’t have more than ten people in them. I just want to get everything out of the way.

I even made a few friends and I didn’t open my mouth that much during class except to ask questions to the teachers. Everyone was pretty nice. Some guy even claimed me as his girl. *lol* His arm felt nice around my shoulders. Maybe I can nudge Cris into doing that too. Hrmmm. New project maybe?

It’s sort of funny. I could have taken off and left Monday (November 10, 2003) and not told a soul in my life except those that live with me. I could have left Cris behind and Prestina and my family and this neighborhood too, but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I couldn’t keep running from the tough shit anymore. I mean my first instinct has always remained to run like hell when I get too close to someone or things get to be too much. I just can’t take it.

God, I went way overboard yesterday. This is why I shouldn’t write entries while emotionally charged! I can’t believe I was going on about how in love with Cris I am. I mean I like him and I have a strong affinity for him, but I shouldn’t confuse that with love. I can’t let that happen. I’ll only be disappointed if I do. This not to say that if I did love him I would lose him, but more to the extent of not wanting me getting my head in a tizzy about something that might not be truly there. Hmmm . . . I don’t know.

We talked for a long time yesterday. We even made up in the park with one of his favorite activities of getting naked in the park. I mean WTF is that all about?! *lol* Of course I ended up shirtless and braless in the park. He couldn’t believe that I just ripped off clothes like that after he kept telling me that it was my turn. Just. . . damn! Some of us are not like him! Some of us are more conservative where taking clothes off are concerned. I just don’t do that sort of thing! But when I’m with Cris I sometimes will. It’s just that he pushes and pushes and shows me up. The boy got buck ass naked last night! How am I supposed to compete with that?!? I’m serious! Someone tell me!!

And many thanks to his last girlfriend, who I am sure is really nice and all, but she has no idea, ok maybe she does, of the sex monster she left me with! *lol* Their relationship started out as a sex thing and they spent every freaking day doing just that. What are those who, despite certain pronouced urges, but genuinely enjoy not having sex, supposed to do?!? Some of us don’t want to be controlled by hormonal and animalistic desires! Geesh! *lol* But what am I to do? It’s not as though I just don’t want to do anything more than kissing, it’s that I do think that would be moving too fast. I’m just old fashion in a way I guess. I was sort of hoping that I could hold off sex again until I got married or truly knew the guy. You know?

*sigh*

Even though it may sound wierd to some, I really wanted him to read everything I wrote here so he could fully understand everything I have felt for him. With the exception of a few things, I have written everything about me and him here.

Oh gosh! I have to remember to look up the bus schedule so that I can get to school later. I got there at 7:15 AM this morning and school doesn’t start until 8 AM. I’ll make this a ***Note To Self***.

Cris also told me that he wrote to me in my journal before under a DD name. I have something to say about that, but I will leave that for my offline journal. I find the whole thing interesting in a way. Oh! I know that it’s supposed to be bad and all, but I found parts of his entry to me hilarious. I couldn’t help it really.

Well, I have going on enough.

Danielle

[This is the the entry and his response. Copy and paste people! http://www.deardiary.net/show/diaries/78387/1068249600?comments=on ^_~ <--Yep! Stole that from Brandon (Lytewyng)]!