Crappy

[imood mood at time of entry: crappy]

It’s hard you know. When you just try and sit or walk or exist quietly, peacefully and handle stupid situations maturely. It’s hard when you go to a school like the one that I do and have no control whatsoever over the type of people that you must be subjected to each and every single day. It’s doubly hard when they assault you or harass you to no end though you do not retailiate beyond throwing up a finger and a curse word or two their way. This would have seriously bothered last school year. It did so much that I stopped coming to school all together.

Now, it just wears me out and puts me in a bad mood, and it also does something that I had not done before. The whole mess has finally forced me to speak out against my attackers. This year is different. This year everything has changed. I have changed. I won’t take the shit anymore. It just isn’t worth it. I am simply too intelligent and too dominanting of a person to allow myself to be disrespected and utterly obliterated as a human being first off and then as a woman.

The people here have no sense of what it means to possess poise, grace, manners, common sense, culture, refinery, or even the basis knowlegde of indiviual rights. They think that is prefectly OK to torture people, to make fun of them because they are not like them and do not wish to lower themselves to the inferior level of thought and behavior. These people are more than deserving of the racial slurs and the stereotypes. My fellow classmates are the steretypes come to life, and I tired of having to occupy the same space with such beings. Just thinking about them or seeing them or hearing yet another one of their remarks, even the voice itself drives me nuts and I wish to god that I could just go home or somewhere else.

I know that it may sound wrong to say all that I have said, but I don’t. I do not think that I have said enough to describe the spite I feel for the people here. The desire to be away from them so that I may at least retain a pretense of sanity. It is digusting that I cannot be rid of these people.

It especially gets me that I cannot receive the niceties that I offer in return. Even towards the people who hate me up-and-down, I am not as blantantly nasty and malicious as they are to me. I go out of my way to try and help people and insure that they will be successful in their school work and consequently, their future careers. So ungrateful.

Today alone I have four serious claims that I am pretty sure that I could look into pressing charges for. One of which included a guy from my fifth period putting a piece of cloth around my throat on the way here in the hallway and choking me. Two others include being sexually harassed, one of the events occurred while the guy had the cloth around my throat. The last, well the last couldn’t been brought up on charges, I don’t think. It might. This is what happened. I was waiting patiently in line with my second period class along with everyone so that I could turn in my Government book. Well, this one particular person that I can neither stand nor would prevent his death if I had the chance (but I wouldn’t kill him), kept standing behind me. Everytime that I moved he moved and remained behind me. I found out why when I leaned back against the wall and placed my hand on my behind to steady myself. He spat on me. On my left butt cheek to be exact. Anyone would able to imagine the rage I felt at this point. Naturally, I went to the restroom to clean off and then headed straight to the adminstration. I hope that whatever Dr. Keys does to him is especially hurtful to his academic career.

I am going to get the boy who choked me tomorrow in fifth period because that is when I have Coach Oliphant, defender of his students and crazy as hell. We’ll see what’s what tomorrow.

As for today, I am going to try and get my paper done. I have been trying to get the thing typed up, but I can’t seem to get the words on the electronic paper of Word. I have the facts and know-how, but not the focus, or something else. Gah. Something is missing and I just don’t know what to do. It doesn’t help that this paper is worth a test grade. At least I will have the model if I can finish painting it today. My teacher really should have given her classes this assignment sooner. Dear God please help me.

Danielle