Pressure

I think I might be dying. Maybe not literally, but definitely dying under the workload I have to face. In one week, this week, I have to turn in a research paper on a pharmacuetical of my choice, make a model of its molecular structure, do the make up work for Government since I skipped so many days this six weeks, do the assignment for History, which is a bunch of bookwork, turn in notes for all of my days that I skipped, and somehow manage to come up with $300 for Summer School classes. I also need to figure out how I am going to pay for my SAT and ACT tests now that I am flat broke and don’t have any time to go job hunting like a used to. I am going crazy trying to get my asterisks appealed. I have to do 15 hours of community service for every asterisk. I have currently have five. The number could go up.

The only comforting thing about this whole mess is that I will do OK on my Credit-By-Exam test if if comes in time. At least I will do OK on one of them. I am trying to test out of Economics and I have to get at least a 90. I know the basics of the economy and I’ve been told that will help. I will have to go to the test source’s website and find some information there along with asking the Eco teacher, who happens to be my Government teacher, for help.

I am going to have to spend the entire Summer going to classes, finding a job, and doing community service. I am somewhere between wanting to cry right now and putting a gun in my mouth and shooting myself in the head. The bulk of this stress if my fault and I just have to deal with it, but I am getting to the point where I just don’t know what to do. I would break down and cry right now if I weren’t surrounded by a library full of people who are all here like me working on some last minute assignment at the only library open on Sundays. I was here writing a paper for Speech as usual. This one was on what my mother meant to me. I was as honest I felt was OK.

After I get finished doing this entry, I need to head home and work on my Government homework. After I do that I am going to plop down and watch some television. A couple of things that I actually want to watch are going to be on television, for a change.

Quite a few interesting things have happened to or around me as of late. A few days ago en route here, an accident occurred out of nowhere. I was almost to to the bus stop when I heard tires skid and the inevitable crash of plastic and metal crushing together. I sort of jumped a tiny bit because I wasn’t sure if I had to jump out of the way so that I wouldn’t be smashed in the collision. All I could think as I watched traffic slow down to one-lane streets on either side of the accident, which took place in the turning space between two boulevards, was that the I hoped everyone would be alright. Then I smiled as I watched the first of the wreckers show up out of nowhere. I thought morbidly, “The vultures are coming.” And come they did. It was up to four (that I could see from where I was seated) by the time my bus got there and it pulled away to carry me to Downtown.

That same day I picked up a bird egg that I found a few days prior to picking it up. I didn’t originally want to pick it up because I thought it was dirty and not clean like the others that I had been finding around my neighborhood. A little voice prodded me to pick it up anyway and it turned out that it wasn’t dirty at all, but was brown of color naturally. It even had cool little designs on it.

My count of discarded bird eggs is up to about six or seven now. I have been finding them on the ground uncrushed. Most of them are prisine white, while one is a light color blue as if it were dyed for Easter. The other is brown.

I have more to talk about, but this entry is getting long and so are the shadows on the ground. I have to get home. *sighs deeply* I can’t wait until graduation.

Danielle