Desperate Attempts

[imood mood at time of entry: desperate]

I have finally returned to write in my journal after not doing so for over a week. Every time that I even get near a computer with Internet I go straight to my email and open up the self sent email with the link to my favorite slash story right now. I must say that I am sincerely addicted to it. I can’t help it really. In fact, it’s more than one story under the same arc. It’s sort of really long chapters of one story or those long novels that have books within it. It’s called the Unspoken story arc. Majorly good stuff. The writer is so good at what she does that I tingle for hours after reading it and of course, I go back every chance that I get. Lots of BDSM and there’s a bit of incest thought. Hrmmm. . . perhaps I am too pervy for my own good.

There have been times when I needed to write or wanted to or wanted to read my emails, but for the life of me, I couldn’t. Not going to the site and reading the story was torture. I nearly passed out from the pain of having to read anything else. *sighs* Luckily though, I have briefly recovered long enough to come here and write and read some of my Notifies. Addiction are a gripping thing. I have severely neglected this site. *pats DearDiary* Poor site.

Anyway, this week school was OK at best. I got to deal with lots of immature and ghetto-fied young people that I would have loved more than anything to kick or cut. I didn’t go to all of my classes this week and that’s just pathetic, especially because the reasons behind it. Guh.

I ended up not being in the Black History program. I think that I might have missed the meeting on one of those days that I didn’t go to school. I did watch it though yesterday (Friday, February 6, 2004) and there was much hooting and clapping, and many standing ovations (sp?). Those people would have clapped for anything! It didn’t even matter if the person couldn’t sing or not, the worse ones got the best applause after a short hrmm. . . period. Um okay.

But the experience itself was nice because I walked down with a girl in my US Government class, which we were in at the time, that started talking to me. I think that I might know her, but I don’t remember ever really talking to her before.

I am going to go back to Aunt Precious’ house after this and watch my WW II movies for US History. I watched four hours of WW II programming on television and I wanted to bang my head open. I was close to insanity. I am not the biggest fan of telelvision in the least. Those four hours were pure torture, right up there with being denied my story, for me. The last two hours, which I did last night, were made worse by my Uncle Ray, Aunt Precious’ husband, because he WOULD NOT stop talking. It doesn’t matter what you are watching, he will continuously drone away. It sucked even more because I needed those shows for class and he made me miss a lot of information. I wanted to tell him to shut up so bad, but I couldn’t. I also seriously considered cutting my own throat or going outside and slamming my head on the hood of my mom’s car until I passed out. Both were very possible options for me.

Well, I have to go get more information on WW II to fill in the gaps that stupid people made me miss. I also need to read the WW II related book that I checked out over a week ago. I have to get all of this done by this coming week. I don’t know how I will succeed in getting all of this work done. After I do all the viewing, I have to type up papers to go with them. That would be one page of paper for each item. That’s four hours of television, one book, and two movies. I might have to throw myself off of a cliff since this seems so desparate. Hrmmm. . . I could always try first and then give up if absolutely necessary.

TTFN,

~Danielle