The Transsexual Clause, Sub-Paragraph 3

(2:59 P.M. – 3:55 P.M. US Central Time/Friday, December 28, 2007/Library)

[imood mood at time of entry: upset]

So, I’ve got about an hour to write, since I used at least two hours playing on Neopets and answering emails. I finally switched my Index view over so that I could make it easier to find this entry. I remembered it being a lot longer. Maybe I was remembering it being a lot more important and the entire relationship surrounding it. Who knows?

Either way, there it finally is. I thought I’d never find it amongst all of the entries I have stashed in so many places.

The reason I had been thinking about that entry and that person, is because we got in contact with one another again earlier this year. I had been walking across the parking lot of IHOP on my way home with Brandon and there he came; walking out of his then-workplace truly stunned to see me. Of course, I was stunned my damned self, because that was the last place I was expecting to see Justin turn up.

Well, we started talking to one another, because I was always passing through that area and he was usually working. I met his friends and Justin filled me in on his then-girlfriend who was supposed to be pregnant with their first child. As we did all of this chitchat, I couldn’t help but feel jealous. No matter the past, the present was right there sitting beside me talking about how much it loved its girlfriend one moment, but would fall over itself to be by my side the next. I couldn’t help but think, “I could steal your boyfriend, bitch.”

Wrong, yeah, sure, but I thought it because I just might have been able to do it. You know, no matter how much Justin went on about that girlfriend of his. Mostly, I was reluctantly impressed at the way that little Justin was willing to step up and take care of the child he thought he had helped to create. He was doing what he could to get his life in order and move on to moving in with her.

We eventually lost touch, because I changed my phone number several times and I didn’t try that hard to keep in contact with Justin. What was the point if I was only going to feel jealous all of the time?

After quite a few months had passed, I decided to call Justin about a month and a half ago. We would talk and he would moon over me like a child. I just brushed it off, because we were not going there. We just weren’t. We even went to see “Hitman” together while his mom went to see “This Christmas.” He spent the entire movie wrapped around me like a parasite that was desperate to devour even the smallest morsel of Me. I’d move and he’d move. We were joined whether I wanted us to be or not.

After the movie, I wanted to grab a bite to eat or go to the Target down the street. Justin wanted to take off without his mom or letting her know where we’d gone. Seeing as she was our ride home since Justin’s car was in the shop, I really don’t know why he thought that this was a good idea. I insisted that we text and call her, so that she wouldn’t wake up after her movie and panic. Besides, that’s just rude.

We went on down to Target and I went shopping. Justin just stood back and stared at me, all the while blocking the very items I was trying to look at. I shooed him out of the way and he’d barely move. After I was done, we went over and grabbed a burger, there was more mooning on Justin’s part. Of all the things we did that night, I only had a chance to pay for my Target purchases and the games we played in the arcade. Justin insisted on covering everything else, even though I had money.

It was, from what I could tell, a date to him. It was only a friend’s thing to me.

Problem.

So, we went along for about a month where we’d occasionally hang out when we had a day off or I’d remember to call him. In the last couple of weeks, I had reason to suspect that we just might be dating on several occasions. It’s only been in the last week or so that it been driving me crazy.

See, Justin started it when he finally managed to successfully corner me as I was about to leave one Saturday night (December 15, 2007). I had been ducking away from him or playing stupid when he’d walk me outside and give me an expectant look that said Goodnight Kiss. I just sort of went along with it on Saturday, because even though we had a sort of not-great end to our former ‘relationship,’ we never stopped being attracted to one another.

Since then, it’s been kissing wherever. At first, I just wrote it off as one of those ‘it happened, so what’ sort of things. Justin obviously had other ideas, because he would get all cuddly while his friends and family were in the other room. Just last week, he managed to corner me again and got me to go all Couple with him in front of his best friends. I had to wonder then, was I dating this guy?

We hung out again this week on Christmas Eve and it was nothing but Couple. Still, we don’t talk regularly and I spend more time being upset with Justin than anything else. We talked a bit and it read like Relationship, but not much else has come out of this. We’ve even discussed the fact that the baby ended up not being his, but the girlfriend’s previous boyfriend’s and that she kind of messed up him. He even told me that he didn’t mind taking things slow, but is this his idea of “slow”?

In all honesty, I truly do wish that Justin hadn’t started this craziness up again. I was perfectly fine on this last go ’round with us just being friends. I had gotten over that girlfriend-hating thing, so we were good. Justin had cable that let me have access to “Stargate Atlantis” and a computer I could check my email on. Now, I’ve forced myself to delete his number twice, just to keep from calling him. I find myself disappointed and confused and rather frustrated, because what about my SGA hook up? What about my friend?

Why do men insist on ruining things when we were getting along just fine? When we first started talking to one another again, I wouldn’t have been upset or jealous when some chick answered his phone. She would have been “just his white girl” and that would have been that. Because really, why should I have cared? Now, I had a reason to sort of care. Can’t say that I do now, because what good will all of this frustration get me? I’m already trying to work other things out in my life and I really don’t need some guy to come along and mess that up for me.

That’s the main reason I don’t bother with relationships. You know, besides the fact that most of the men I meet are disgusting jerks.

So, the library is closing soon and I’ll be headed home. I need to watch the movie(s) I rented. I think that I am just going to forgo “Aliens Vs. Predator,” because I only got it because it looked like I was going to have to watch AVP:R. Berk. Instead, I ended up watching “The Great Debaters” and “I Am Legend.” Everyone should go see TGD. I really need to write up a bit about those movies and everything I did that day, but I don’t have time. I never do.

Oh! Before I wrap it up. It looks like I might soon have my very own computer again. Tax returns will be in soon and I should have several hundred dollars coming in. It’s sort of like forced savings. If I do get the money I am expecting, I am going to buy myself that long-awaited and much-needed laptop.

I’m going to go with score! just there.

Danielle

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