Always Finding Things

I am forever finding things in Lytewyng’s diary that I like and must smuggle over to my journal. Muwahahahaha!!!! But I alway give credit so no biggee there I guess. Ok here are the two most loved things that I found last night, but did not have tme to add since my mom kicked me off the computer.

For me, depression always comes with an acute sense of shame. Shame because I know that there are millions–billions, probably–of people on this planet who have it much worse than I do, yet I still act like my personal problems are of grand importance and that I should be depressed over stupid, pointless shit. But what am I supposed to do? Act like the things going on in my life don’t bother me? We are all overconditioned to the society we live in, and none of us can see the bigger picture. We’re all too concerned with ourselves, and that’s the number one problem in the world today: apathy or anyone or anything but our own asses and possessions.

I liked this because I feel the exact same way about my funks. I get in them so deep hating myself and wanting to die all the while wondering how soon until I can get on the computer and make merry and surf around or how long until my favorite show comes on.

I was thinking to myself early this morning about how I am the biggest contradiction known to (wo)man outside of the savage mudpit of a government and the joke that is the news. I like everything and nothing all at once. I do not see how it is that I am the friendly misanthrope or the open minded racist at times. I am the middle girl and the one who wants to veer dangerously all to one side. Is it just me or do you see a problem too?

(to read the rest go here —> http://www.deardiary.net/cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=86245&entry=1056758400

This is not exactly anything special, but tonight’s jackpot is $135 MILLION DOLLARS. And I played two dollars’ worth. You may laugh at my wasting money, but playing the lottery is my own personal retirement plan. The point of tonight’s entry is to look ahead, to fantasize about what I would do if I won. I know I won’t, but it’s nice to think positive for once, you know. They say money doesn’t buy happiness. Someone should amend that to say, “Money doesn’t buy happiness, unless you’re a poor and depressed college student living at home with your mother and/or you write in an online diary for venting and entertainment.”

I like this because it is so true! Money to me is worthless. It is absurd and just pieces of paper. Money to is the best example of how people bring “The Emperor’s New Clothes” to life every day. Only because people have it ground into their heads that these little pieces of paper are important they go around doing everything for it. Thus forcing me to do the same as they are stingy with their services otherwise. So I, like millions of others go out and work like a dog, come home hurting and smelling odd all to get some little green pieces of paper that could so easily be destroyed. It is stupid and it is a waste of time. The one thing that I like about Communism is the base idea of it. Too bad that it does not pan out quite as well. Everyone works together and everyone shares the reward. That sounds billiant to me, but people being people get greedy too bad.

(to read the rest go here –> http://www.deardiary.net/cgi-bin/viewer.cgi?diary=86245&entry=1056844800

I got back on a bit after 6 A.M. to make Mom a mix CD to listen to at work the crappy job that it is. I think that she will like.

Will write more in a bit.