Meh.

[imood mood at time of entry: blank]

I went and applied for yet another job today. Well, at least I honestly tried to apply for a job. It was at the second Pappas BBQ that I was assured was hiring. I managed to get a ride from my mom and was told halfway there when I was told that I would need to find my way back to our neck of the woods via the bus. Now, this is usually not a problem, except the fact that I had never ridden the bus in that area before.

While my mom and I argued about various things, Brandon, my younger brother, slid me his bus pass. I didn’t say anything, that I remember, maybe a low “Thanks,” but I do remember slipping the pass into my bag just as quietly as it was offered to me.

I got to the restaurant just after 3 o’clock and waited around for the better part of an hour just to get someone to acknowledge me long enough to give me an application. Upon doing so, some man, who wasn’t even the manager, told that they weren’t even hiring. They were just “accepting applications.” What the hell kind of bullshit is that? He told me to call them in a couple of weeks, and I simply said “Okay.”

I had every right to tell that man to keep the damned application, because that hour had been a waste of my time. If I wanted to waste my life doing nothing at all, I could have gone to the college and played in the lab or worked on my writing or whatever. Not sit at some overpriced bar-be-que place that doesn’t even offer the portions to match up with the amount of money that they are asking for. But isn’t that always the case? I do believe so.

So I haven’t worked on my writing very much at all since I last wrote, just my near-hour of journaling in the BBQ place. However, with the November elections fast approaching, an old article, of sorts, has been kicking around in my head in detail today. It’s a personal look at why Black citizens, particularly young, Black citizens, disenfranchise themselves. I really need to jot that down and get it out finally. I must have written that piece in my head a hundred times by now. It just needs to get out somewhere tangible.

I spotted earlier this week. It was as though even my reproductive system was giving a halfhearted attempt at its set functions in life. But that’s just me for you. To be perfectly honest, I am rather glad that I didn’t have a full period this month. I had been dreading getting it, because I can’t afford to have a full-on “female experience” this month. Or any month, for that matter, until I have a steady income again. I was stunned that I got it semi-regularly the past two months, even though the second month was two days late. And no, I am in no way even remotely pregnant. I think that the world can only tolerate one supposed immaculate conception once every two thousand years. Yes, do note the tongue in my cheek.

I still have my job listing section from my favorite paper and I am going to keep looking. It looks worse and worse each day. So much so that I have started shutting down my computer at night in case the electricity is cut off while I am sleeping. I don’t want the sudden loss of power to crash my hard drive. Which, according to my hard drive, is “imminent.” At least, that’s what it told me after the last time that I turned it on following the last insta-shut down via pressing the Power button.

It was thundering and lightning outside, so I figured that a quick shut down was better than no shut down at all. What was more worrying was the fact that my computer still didn’t boot correctly the next time that I turned it on. I even shut it down the correct way and everything. I believe that it sited “finding” my Flash Drive as “new hardware” as the reason. The worry over that was increased by the fact that my home computer has not once spazzed over my Flash Drive before. Old though it might be, my home computer has never mistaken my Flash Drive as new hardware. It hardly even blinks about that issue. Instead, it’s more concerned with telling me that it would run faster with an updated USB port and goes on to have virtual palpitations over trying to open a folder to showcase all of my files saved on my Flash Drive as soon as it can. I just don’t understand sometimes.

I believe that I set my computer to do absolutely nothing when my Flash Drive is plugged in, but it continues to go into cardiac arrest if my Flash Drive even so much as looks in its direction. Should I simply chalk this up to electronic love? I think so, because the one floppy I have left is a pain in the ass and hardly works well in comparison to the spiffy Flash Drive. Not to mention the fact that every other computer I use my Flash Drive with merely asks me if I want to do anything, and politely shuts up when I tell it “No.” At least my computer doesn’t still try to open Windows Media Player to play the music files anymore. I mean, god, it’s got it bad for that stick of portable memory.

On the ride home from Pappas, after I had to talk my way onto the first bus because my brother’s pass came up on the pass reading machine as that of a high school student, I noticed one of the plastic information cards that run along the upper sections of the buses here. Lucky for me, it was an info card for a local shelter/food place. I took down the number, name, and address. I figure that I can give them a call if things get bad enough. The money I did actually have on me didn’t completely cover my fare, but the second bus driver let me ride anyway and gave me a transfer to boot. It’s too bad that I didn’t need it, because I usually walk home. I started to comment about both things, the fact that I didn’t have enough money on my person (bank cards don’t count!) and the fact that I didn’t need a transfer, but I thought better of it and shut my mouth.

I also got the wonderful news the day before yesterday (Wednesday, October 25, 2006) that my brother had been kicked out of his high school. 19-years-old, and he still hasn’t finished high school. I know that everyone finishes in their own time, but I cannot help but wonder what he is going to do now. Life just seems like such a wash at this point, that I am growing more and more depressed by the day.

I have plenty of things that I want to write, but I can’t seem to get any of them out. I really should finish off that Cloud/Barret story, especially since I know how it ends. I guess the fact that I figured it out has made me lazy. I still cannot face the betaing community’s email address any longer, because I know what’s there waiting for me. Belle isn’t checking the email address either, and she never has. I have been wondering from Day One why I asked her to be my co-mod. I really should stop asking people to do things with me simply because I like them. I enjoy Belle’s company tremendously, but this is yet another reminder that friends should not work together.

At least, I shouldn’t work together with my friends. I always end up having to take on everything and resenting the hell out of whomever is supposed to be my partner. It’s no wonder that I tend to simply take over everything when projects come up. I always end up doing all the work in the end, so why not? Perhaps I can pout an ad out for another mod in the main Xiaolin Showdown community over on LJ. *shrugs*

I guess that I will do a bit of reading now, but I know that even that won’t hold my attention for long these days. I am so sick with worry that the only things I can concentrate on now for long periods of time are games of several varieties and the issues that are causing me so much distress. Where the hell is a cheap-o, free therapist when you need one?

And, yes, the comments are still off because I don’t want any. Sorry.

Danielle