The computer is dead, Part Two

[imood mood at time of entry: defeated]
[Personal Mood at time of entry: crushed]

So, I had another look at my computer to try and get the correct drivers to install, but it was nothing doing. I feel so stupid to have so royally screwed myself over. It wouldn’t be so bad if I have someone that I could ask to help me, but this is fucking Vista and no one knows anything about it. I now see why people downgraded back to XP.

When it, the laptop, was all set up out of the box, it was great. For the most part.

Now that I’ve attempted to re-set it up, I’ve found out just how screwed I am. I can’t even do simple things like rename a song that I rip to transfer over to my PSP. I don’t have permission to anything and I’m back to being stuck in Permission Box Zone.

I don’t even know what I tinkered with to make those boxes go away.

And all because Internet Explorer and my microphone were messed up and every single System Restore I tried failed. If things hadn’t been slowly going wrong with the laptop, I wouldn’t be in this mess. But now I am.

I am considering selling the damned thing and buying another computer, even though I have a perfectly good computer. It just won’t work. I mean, who in the hell designed these things???

And why did I think that a Dell would be such a good buy in the first place. I really need to go write one of those reviews that warn people not to purchase a Dell, especially from a store. It’s a waste of money altogether.

It’s just the fact that I can’t believe that this is something I have dreamt about owning for years and spent months saving up to get. And it turned out to be complete crap.

God, I feel like crying, as though I don’t get that feeling enough.

I just can’t stomach the public computers. They’re germ-infested and they have a serious time limit of two hours per day per card number. Thank god I kept my temporary computer card even after I got my new library card. I might as well cheat like I used to when I didn’t have a computer. I mean, what’s the point in not cheating the system? After all, the system of life cheated me.

The library closes soon and then I go back to work tomorrow. I woke up this morning not nearly as crushed by my depression as I was yesterday, but just the thought of having to face that hell makes me want to crawl into bed and never leave. But, of course, I can’t because I need a paycheck, no matter what I like to allow myself to believe.

It wouldn’t be so bad if I had a point of light to look forward to. You know, like some back up plan that I knew that I was working on. Something to inspire me to suck it up and just keep going. What I need is a hustle, a strategy, a somethingelse!anythingelse! Now if only I could figure out what that something is. . .

At this point, I think the writing thing is shot, especially since I find myself surrounded by other books and can only dwell on how pointless it all is. Case in point, I’m sitting in a building full of books that most people will neither never read nor know that they exist. All of those authors’ hopes and dreams are wrapped up into those bound pages and no one could care else. That’s not exactly the validation I need.

Okay. I want to check the email and eBay before I go.

Danielle