Getting Past The Hesistations

Since I’ve had this buring urge to write and get everything out, I thought I’d do so. Now that I am over the shock of it all, I guess I can come to terms with everything that has happened in the last week. In the last week, I have gotten my left ear cartilage pierced, went out on a date with a chauvinist, quit my job, stumbled onto several uncomfortable realizations, and received my very first vibrator (with attachments).

That is no nice and pretty way to put it, but my entire Life needs a major overhaul. As many minute changes that I make, they are not enough. The one glaring problem that has always cast its shadow upon my heart and my daily activities has been my home. Home is supposed to be the place where you feel comfortable to be yourself, and feel loved by those who reside in it with you. Home may not be the brilliant palace of kings, but it cozy and welcoming to tired limbs and broken hearts alike. When I am feeling broken or hurt, my home is not always the first place that I wish to head. There is something seriously wrong with that.

So, in order to continue to grow, I need to move. I mean really move. Right now, that is not possible, but I truly need to look into that future. My growth as a human being, spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally, is all being snuffed out by living at home with a mother who cannot love me the way I need her to, and a brother whose mental illness places a strain upon all that he’s around. I am not one to assign blame only to the complications around me, but I can see the effect they have on me. Then there’s my feeling of being smothered to the point of suffocation. My family has never been the loving kind that I can confess my soul to. I can’t go to them with an emotional problem that is slowly eating the life out of my body.

Frankly, I need to get that better job I quit my McDonald’s job to pursue, and save up a lot of money, because, land lords are not simply giving rooms away. I need to type up a mantra, print it out, tape it somewhere, and read it every day. I need to resolve to change, so that I may feel the releasing taste of true of freedom. I need to do a lot of things, but the first thing that needed to be done, has been, I have come to terms with who I am, and what I need to do. Now if I can just get a little help from someone that answers prayers, I’m set.

~Danielle